Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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