man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
