Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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