Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
