Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
