I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
