I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
