In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
