I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
