a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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