My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
