So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
