Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
