I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
