Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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