Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
