I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
