watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
