yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
