I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
