So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
