I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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