Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
