btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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