Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
