who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
