where am i from again
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
