she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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