If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
