girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
