dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
