yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
