I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
