She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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