i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
