wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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