I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
