Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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