i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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