Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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