I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Green mimosas i think yes
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
