Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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