I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
