chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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