the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
