She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
