yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
