There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
