Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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