the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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