Sry I called you an 8
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
