What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
